Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Maybe this Time ...

I am a little past the point of believing - or is it accepting? - the notion that my relationship with Mount Gay is not for the beginner, or the faint of heart. It happens to be true that while my heart is brave and sure, I am very much a beginner at love - and do not do it very well.

So, what's his excuse?

There are no longer five teenage boys crashing in my lover's one-bedroom, 600 square feet apartment; there are two now ... but Gay's still not (out), the only bathroom in the apartment is still in his bedroom, and I still haven't gotten laid in over a month.

Mount Gay
doesn't listen - which used to apply only to my stories - details about my childhood, high school, or otherwise significant moments in my last 30 years, but I realize that it has more to do with denial on a grand scale.

I was trying to offer some advice last night, and got only: "Hey, I just need you to be positive and uplifting. I don't want to deal with reality right now ... Let me live in my fantasy." This is a fantasy world that includes not paying rent, or the light bill, and engaging in what I think will prove to be credit card fraud and some light embezzlement with his ex-boyfriend.

But delusion works both ways. Sometimes very conveniently. I had my first Valentine's Day date last year - though that date, with the guy I was THEN seeing, cost me a fortune in liquor and crack ... and pride. I do not intend to repeat the indulgence, but I also don't plan on spending the most romantically rigorous day of the year single. That the 14th coincides with Gay's tax refund, and that his son may be back in Louisiana by then, only sweeten the pot. We may actually leave the apartment - have dinner, drinks, a night on the town. It is a shame, as this must end, for it not to end well ... with a little flair ...

In other words, I have every intention of going out ... with a bang.


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