It is when you least expect it that the truth of the world creeps up on you. Sometimes said truth is more pleasant than one expects. Last night, the guy I'm seeing and I went dancing. Well, we didn't go dancing. We danced. It was at Web House - the odd and lovely happy shack I've made my home away from home. There was a jazz band, an art happening, drinks and more drinks and then some drinks. The straight boyfriend was wearing holey, skin-tight jeans and a funny hat.
The place was alive and kicking as I have actually never seen it before, and somewhere in the midst of all this flash and fab there was Mark - my bright and shiny, talented and charming guy - who takes my breath away every day. Or is it every night?
I won't waste my time, or dampen my life-long cynicism by going on and on about the happy cute-ness; suffice it to say that things were a little bit magical. There was a DJ spinning (is that even an accurate phrasing, given that all the music came from a PowerBook?) ... and Mark and Mark danced. It was a first. There have been a few of those lately, including:
The frenemy being a frenemy (and selfish) could not locate me when he wanted to, and thus - in addition to calling my cell phone eleven times - also stopped, upon seeing the guy I'm seeing, in the middle of the street, to ask Mark if I was with him the night before. I, of course, was not.
In fact, the night before, I suddenly got into the mood and - around 4AM - headed to the '09 to meet Sean78209. I spent the night with him, a lovely and very fun night - satisfying, silly, comfortable, intimate (insofar as one can achieve intimacy on a first meeting). What does it say about me that - having had morning sex, and a shower, with Sean, I wanted to stop by and see Mark?
I wound up back at Web House, cleaning toilets and wiping out ash-trays, but that's a whole other story. I also wound up dancing, but before all that the guy I'm seeing told me that he knew all about what I did the night before (by way of the frenemy). He was playful, non-judging, and - to my surprise - just a little bit jealous.
I am new to this - all of this - so note that I am only vaguely in awe that the guy I'm seeing is actually responding like someone who wants to be with me. Jealousy, though a generally unpleasant state, is all kinds of flattering and informative - in the right hands.
I am getting my life in order, although I think that that process is a little harder to pull off than my life plan would indicate.
When I was in jail, it was all too easy to plan and advance a fairly well-explored agenda; in the real world, however, life can be a tad tricky to pull off. I am on probation, hoping for a job-hunting miracle (reference that whole "last rites" comment from my last blog), have no clue how I am managing something of a relationship, and my father and I have not recently tried to kill each other. I bought a fabulous car. I have even managed to keep it together long enough to reestablish some friendships that had fallen away.
I am proud of what I have done, but I am also just barely hanging on (to sanity).
Did I mention there was jazz last night? It was loud, so loud that at some point, conversation inside the building was nearly impossible. It was hot, cold outside but fabulously hot jazz with a few hot jazz players. I was contemplating the rather absurd Adam's Apple of a particular guitar hero when it occurred to me that with no money and a little sweat labor, I was having one hell of a good time.
I looked up from time to time to see Mark - spotlighted as it were - painting and otherwise drawing my favor and attention.
All our clothes stayed on, for better or worse; nonetheless, there was jazz and it was very much LIVE and fun. Going outdoors has its merits. I say it often enough that now that I am no longer a shut-in, I get to experience all kinds of silly and lovely things. The guy I'm seeing, who I recently discovered is older than I thought he was (40-something was one thing, but well ...), pulls me onto dance floors and merriment ensues.
I have so got to get a job. I kind of already have a life.
Mark
The place was alive and kicking as I have actually never seen it before, and somewhere in the midst of all this flash and fab there was Mark - my bright and shiny, talented and charming guy - who takes my breath away every day. Or is it every night?
I won't waste my time, or dampen my life-long cynicism by going on and on about the happy cute-ness; suffice it to say that things were a little bit magical. There was a DJ spinning (is that even an accurate phrasing, given that all the music came from a PowerBook?) ... and Mark and Mark danced. It was a first. There have been a few of those lately, including:
The frenemy being a frenemy (and selfish) could not locate me when he wanted to, and thus - in addition to calling my cell phone eleven times - also stopped, upon seeing the guy I'm seeing, in the middle of the street, to ask Mark if I was with him the night before. I, of course, was not.
In fact, the night before, I suddenly got into the mood and - around 4AM - headed to the '09 to meet Sean78209. I spent the night with him, a lovely and very fun night - satisfying, silly, comfortable, intimate (insofar as one can achieve intimacy on a first meeting). What does it say about me that - having had morning sex, and a shower, with Sean, I wanted to stop by and see Mark?
I wound up back at Web House, cleaning toilets and wiping out ash-trays, but that's a whole other story. I also wound up dancing, but before all that the guy I'm seeing told me that he knew all about what I did the night before (by way of the frenemy). He was playful, non-judging, and - to my surprise - just a little bit jealous.
I am new to this - all of this - so note that I am only vaguely in awe that the guy I'm seeing is actually responding like someone who wants to be with me. Jealousy, though a generally unpleasant state, is all kinds of flattering and informative - in the right hands.
I am getting my life in order, although I think that that process is a little harder to pull off than my life plan would indicate.
When I was in jail, it was all too easy to plan and advance a fairly well-explored agenda; in the real world, however, life can be a tad tricky to pull off. I am on probation, hoping for a job-hunting miracle (reference that whole "last rites" comment from my last blog), have no clue how I am managing something of a relationship, and my father and I have not recently tried to kill each other. I bought a fabulous car. I have even managed to keep it together long enough to reestablish some friendships that had fallen away.
I am proud of what I have done, but I am also just barely hanging on (to sanity).
Did I mention there was jazz last night? It was loud, so loud that at some point, conversation inside the building was nearly impossible. It was hot, cold outside but fabulously hot jazz with a few hot jazz players. I was contemplating the rather absurd Adam's Apple of a particular guitar hero when it occurred to me that with no money and a little sweat labor, I was having one hell of a good time.
I looked up from time to time to see Mark - spotlighted as it were - painting and otherwise drawing my favor and attention.
All our clothes stayed on, for better or worse; nonetheless, there was jazz and it was very much LIVE and fun. Going outdoors has its merits. I say it often enough that now that I am no longer a shut-in, I get to experience all kinds of silly and lovely things. The guy I'm seeing, who I recently discovered is older than I thought he was (40-something was one thing, but well ...), pulls me onto dance floors and merriment ensues.
I have so got to get a job. I kind of already have a life.
Mark
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